My unbe-sleeve-able journey

 Not sure that people are following this blog just dying for updates, but I am late.  I took my pictures on time I just didn't have time to throw them into a collage so you can see the transition.  Sorry.  :)  I think I am finally at the place that I would say yes, all the struggles and tears were worth it.  I am a LONG WAY from where I want to be, but I have come so far already!!  I had an appointment with my PCP on Monday (August 2nd) and I am down 50 pounds since my visit with them in March.  My AC1 is down to 5.9, which means I am no longer diabetic (still in the prediabetic range) and my blood pressure was great.  I would like to give you more stats but I just tried logging in to the patient portal and got an error.  I guess it's not meant to be.  Next time!   I've transitioned from feeling pissed or upset when I can't eat what I want or pig out like I used to, to feeling like "nope eating that french fry isn't worth ...

 So I like to ask myself each month, if I had to do this over again, would I?  So far in this journey that has been a resounding NO!  Now if you ask me, most days I think I would.  I am noticing the difference is what I can physically do, my energy level, and how I feel overall.  Are there days that I still wish I could eat the crap I used to?  Yep!  It is getting easier to resist and not be upset that I did.  So progress!!  We went out to eat for my middle daughter's birthday (June 14th) to Texas Roadhouse.  We had fried pickles as an appetizer.  I love fried pickles.  I ate a few and stopped myself because I knew I would fill up on those.  The meal was taking a long time and that bread was staring at me, practically begging me to eat it, and so I did.  ONE roll and I was not able to eat a single bite of my steak.  So I boxed it up and it's never as good reheated.  So I now know, that one roll isn't worth i...

One month from when I started the liquid diet, not a month from surgery.   So my original plan was to post weekly and give updates about weight and measurements and all that jazz.  Well it was all too much.  This whole process is WAY more mental than it is physical.  I've learned that even when I am physically full, my brain still tells me that I am still hungry.  Sadly I am still trying to navigate "bored" and "hungry."  Just because they made my stomach smaller, it doesn't change the mental side of my relationship with food.  Bored? Eat.  Sad?  Eat.  Happy? Eat.  It's a cycle I am actively working on.   Another "issue" is that we didn't make note of where on my arms/legs that I was measuring - so although I think I have lost inches on both, I can't confirm.  :)  So far, a month in, I am still not sure I made the right choice.  I am struggling with wanting to eat things I can't.  I am struggling w...

 May 5th was the big day.  I spent the night before crying and wondering if I was making the right decision.  We hit the surgery center about 8:30 and I was wheeled back by 10:30.  The next thing I remember was the intense pain just under my breast bone. The nurses said "everyone has buyers remorse at this point."   I got up and walked and slept.  Ate ice chips, walked again and slept some more.   They gave me dilaudid for pain, which I am fairly certain made things worse.  I can't handle that level of pain medicine.   Then they pumped me full of IV fluids that contained dextrose, so my blood sugar was 245.  They gave me an insulin shot and switched the IV fluids to something else.  They monitored overnight and it wasn't back to a normal until late morning the following day.   Once the dilaudid wore off, and the blood sugar was down, I felt fine.  Pain level at a 2-3.   May 6th in addition to ...

 So my doctor only required 1 week of clear liquids prior to surgery.  THANK GOD.  This is HARD!!   Surgery is May 5th so I didn't "have to" start the liquid diet until 4/28. I started on 4/26 to try and jump start the weight loss/liver shrinkage.   This week was hard!  Miserable!  I almost threw in the towel several times.  I occasionally at a cheese stick or slice of lunch meat.  Friday I actually caved and had a McDonald's cheeseburger - no fries but I did fall off the wagon.   I have a photography business on the side.  Saturday I had a photoshoot.  I swear y'all I almost passed out.  I came home and slept for 3 hours.   Tomorrow 5/2/2021 I get my COVID test before surgery.  I am in the home stretch but it SUCKS.  I cry almost daily.  I am bitchy as hell and I am in a constant state of brain fog.  I am slow to process and often confused.   However, I did lose 6 pou...

So here I am 5ft 3in and 280 pounds.  How the F*$K did that happen.   I wasn't a fat kid or adult until about 8 - 10 years ago when I stopped smoking.  I guess I replaced the nicotine addiction for a food addition.   So you can see by these pictures, even after 3 kids I was still healthy and average size.  1994/1996/1998 were the years I gave birth.  Even through that, I had no issues keeping my weight down.  Sure my metabolism slowed as I got older and I probably would have been fine with gaining 5 pounds ever year or two from that.  Instead over the last 8 - 10 years I have gained 120 - 140 pounds.  Around 2017 I started taking phentermine and stuck to a strict 1200 calorie a day diet, walked at least 10,000 steps a day, gave up soda and made sure to drink lots of water.  I lost 30 pounds over a few months. Then phentermine stops working and we went on vacation to Hawaii.  I slacked off on vacation and  I never got ...